I cannot afford doubt.
I do not understand the path in front of me, but I know that I must walk it with all my heart and will. If I doubt, I will be destroyed. If I hesitate, I will be destroyed. If I stray, I will be destroyed. I do not know if Annalee is a trustworthy ally, but I cannot afford to distrust her. Virgil is back to his old self, and on some very deep level, he still frightens me. Even sane, even whole, he is a man who is dangerous in ways that most of us do not have the stomach to be. I may have tried to kill James, I may have done the same to Terridus or Garrick at some point, but I am not Virgil. My reasons and methods were straightforward and simple in comparison, and my ambition nearly lowly. His plan is madness, but sanity says there can be no victory. And such, I commit as much as I can to madness.
I feel the call of my course in front of me still, and must focus upon it. I do not know if I will ask Virgil to take Caine's daughter, but I believe she will be safer with him than she will with me. My last time in Amber nearly destroyed me. This time likely promises to be no different. I can only hope that I will be able to do some good.
I cannot know if I was wrong to trust Terridus with my mother. Please, Unicorn, do not let me be wrong about this.
My course is forward. I will succeed. There is no other option.